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Comedian, talk show host and ice road trucker. My tweets are real, and they’re spectacular.

39,083 Following   40,237,145 Followers   10,142 Tweets

Join Twitter 8/14/08

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.@ChrisBHarrison tells a TV salesman about his pancake-sized mole in a TV store. Oh boy. #RepeatAfterMeIf you wanna see @Usher pantless and @BethBehrs twerk upside down, then watch #RepeatAfterMe tonight 8:30/7:30c on ABC!Congrats Carrie! I’m sending you the finest cowboy hat I can find RT@carrieunderwood Isaiah Michael Fisher-born Feb27 http://t.co/NBSqBzcqwfJust what we wanted: an app filled with @TheEllenShow's favorite videos is now on our iPad. 👏 http://t.co/tP4QP3qIfe http://t.co/Suubzmlmq1
Retweeted by Ellen DeGeneresToday I settled the controversy once and for all. The dress is white and gold. http://t.co/nnUCT7dwiZ#TheDress is here http://t.co/FF2hmzcyL0Happy birthday to @itsJulieBowen and @JessicaBiel! You’ll always be my favorite JB. You know who you are.
3/3
2015
What a great season full of incredible designers & pieces. I hope you had as much fun as I did. Thanks for watching! #EllenDesignOnHGTVHere comes the twist. Don’t miss the ending! #EllenDesignOnHGTVMake sure to watch ’til the very end, ‘cause it ain’t over ’til it’s over. And it ain't over. #EllenDesignOnHGTVWho would you pick to win the show? #Beflumixed #EllenDesignOnHGTVThis was so much fun to do. After this furniture show I’m gonna see if I can host “This Is Your Life” #EllenDesignOnHGTVBlowing the horn & turning out the lights at the end of the day was my idea. That’s how Portia gets me out of the TV room #EllenDesignOnHGTVIf it’s one thing you want while you’re putting on makeup, it’s liquor. #EllenDesignOnHGTVMy Design Challenge finale is about to start! I’m telling you, you’re not gonna believe what happens. #EllenDesignOnHGTVGuess who's coming for an exclusive performance/chat- @MADONNA! We're ramping up over here. Literally. We took out the stairs & put in rampsTonight's the finale of my Design Challenge on HGTV. You're not gonna believe what happens at the end. I promise it’s not what you think.Tayt came to visit me. His mom says he gains strength from watching my show. The truth is, I gain strength from him. http://t.co/6FF4yhghOV
3/2
2015
Happy birthday, @JustinBieber! I can’t wait for “Bieber Be Ballin’” to open in theaters.
3/1
2015
Have you seen the free ellentube app? I love it so much I’m giving 2 people who download it a trip to a 12 Days show http://t.co/Y4q0Y6GdzwDon’t know why ur embarrassed. You twerked like a lady RT @BethBehrs: Most embarrassing wonderful moment of my life tues on #RepeatAfterMeI love this. If you have a joke like this, send it to me on Tumblr. Happy #ClassicJokeFriday! http://t.co/wPAJNlGIL9 http://t.co/16cVEHQRBs.@DavidDuchovny wrote a book. Holy cow! That’s the title. It’s on my Entitle Book Bar! #LaughDancePartner http://t.co/XTelurzK4LWhy did the escalator like his job? It was uplifting. #ClassicJokeFridayI just spent the past 12 hours asking Portia what color she thinks things are. #TheDress
2/27
2015
Taniya's on QVC with my Spring Line right now! You can get everything right here. http://t.co/EdmYKI8v9jFrom this day on, the world will be divided into two people. Blue & black, or white & gold. http://t.co/xJeR7GldwP http://t.co/i6BwVzPzSZSomeone’s asking for a spanking. RT @klgandhoda: We stole Ellen's gift to @MLauer. We need to find where to put it. http://t.co/GF9qW3UyglHappy #ThrowbackThursday! http://t.co/tV22zIxq5nThis season of Mad Men is gonna be really groovy. http://t.co/ayCLmj4lY8
2/26
2015
She just realized her octopus is missing. http://t.co/Bk1U935JSa.@FifthHarmony's here! If u could take my pulse right now it'd be just like a sledgehammer. I had a triple Macchiatto http://t.co/cQuILANftxHappy #YoureWelcomeWednesday http://t.co/OHzOoiNDQWI love this family. They're all about paying it forward. Now they're going to drive it forward #LaughDancePartner http://t.co/qzF2Jr2EVSOMG! Look what I saw on “Hart of Dixie”! I’m famous! http://t.co/PPAtrNl3dDHappy birthday, @ChelseaHandler! What better way to celebrate than with a GIF of you in your birthday suit. http://t.co/mHatbFavGnMy audience was really excited about something today. But no one was more excited than @AndyLassner. Hi Andy. http://t.co/pmxqb4H9Q9.@LadyGaga’s gonna be on American Horror Story! Between that, the Oscars & getting engaged to Tony Bennett, she’s having an incredible week.
2/25
2015
You've never looked better. RT @petewentz: Ellen, thanks for outfitting the new @falloutboy video with undies! http://t.co/tiFvjewTszIf you ask me, Tish was a little too adamant about never robbing a liquor store. #RepeatAfterMeTish is such a lovely person. I’m gonna get a tattoo of her face. #RepeatAfterMe“Anything fun happen at the grocery store today, sweetheart?” #RepeatAfterMeThat’s how babies are made - Kristen Bell, a tape measure and a manicurist. #RepeatAfterMe#VeronicaUranus #RepeatAfterMeOh baby baby, I hope Bieber brought a bowling ball. #RepeatAfterMe#RepeatAfterMe is about to start on ABC! I love tonight’s episode. I know you will, too. Turn on your TV! Go!Hollywood Reporter says stars at the Oscars wore Ellen underwear. Wear my underwear and you too could win an Oscar. http://t.co/PeXDMNEw4dFlorida legalized marriage equality, and @GuyFieri celebrated in style. http://t.co/z4phhNagvpI don’t know what your plans are for tonight, but I just made some for you. #RepeatAfterMe http://t.co/X7a1NDCvGpIf ya wanna see @IMKristenBell flirt, @JustinBieber twerk & Michael Bolton talk to a banana, watch #RepeatAfterMe tonight on ABC 8:30/7:30c!Look who pulled up to my show today. I’ll give you a hint: The license plate said FRESH & it had dice in the mirror. http://t.co/sRIjTPP2mjTish never saw you coming RT @justinbieber: Make sure to watch me have a little fun on #RepeatAfterMe http://t.co/vrjxqoDxyl
2/24
2015
You'll have to come to game night RT @evanrachelwood Pretty much the best news ever @HeadsUp #FriendsDeckOnly one episode left until the moment I’ve been waiting for: Taking all the furniture home and putting it in my house #EllenDesignOnHGTVAll 3 pieces are strong this week. I can’t imagine having to pick a someone to go, which is why I’m not there doing it. #EllenDesignOnHGTVI’m so impressed with how much work Katie put into that chair. It’s unbeweavable #EllenDesignOnHGTVAll this time I thought I was Tim’s biggest fan. #EllenDesignOnHGTVPortia just told me those were raccoons. #EllenDesignOnHGTVReclaimed items are really popular now. Last night 3 designers were rummaging through our recycling bin looking for goods #EllenDesignOnHGTVOnly 2 more episodes left! The second to last episode of my HGTV Design Challenge starts now! #EllenDesignOnHGTV.@HeadsUp! has a new "Friends" deck! See ya tonight @CourteneyCox @LisaKudrow @DavidSchwimmer @MatthewPerry Jen&Matt http://t.co/4Ptf1PtCMNTonight I'm live tweeting Ellen's Design Challenge on HGTV & tomorrow #RepeatAfterMe is on ABC w/ @justinbieber! Watch out, Shonda Rhimes.My writers Kevin and Lauren were on the red carpet of the Oscars! My apologies to the Academy. http://t.co/DHsfhtoOf5Happy birthday, Emily Blunt! I bet you’re having a great day. You’re already married to this guy. http://t.co/HRuPBqMmfiShow me your mug! Send in a photo with your Ellen mug and our favorite photo wins a $1000 gift card. http://t.co/HDBOosvc6JI would love for everyone to hear what @MrGrahamMoore had to say last night. http://t.co/J7gdhqUloJ
2/23
2015
What a night. Congratulations @ActuallyNPH on doing a wonderful job. Not to mention those tighty whiteys. #Oscars2015Congratulations Graham Moore. That speech was so beautiful. You should think about being a writer. #Oscars2015.@LadyGaga made me want to climb a mountain. She also made me want to ford every stream and I don't even know what that means. #Oscars2015Congratulations to @JohnLegend and @Common on a powerful song and a powerful speech #Oscars2015Congratulations to "Ida" for winning Best Foreign Film! Something tells me he's not winning for Best Short. #OscarsTonight’s the night! The stars, the gowns, speeches, and the thing I’m most looking forward to - watching from my sofa. #OscarsHappy birthday Drew Barrymore! Give my love to Frankie, Olive and Will. I still find it in everything. ❤️
2/22
2015
Looks like not everyone is thrilled about the new baby. http://t.co/9QDvqAbc1dHappy birthday, @EllenPage! Juno I love you.
2/21
2015
Where does Meryl Streep put all of her Academy Awards? I don’t know. I’ll Oscar. #ClassicJokeFriday.@DunkinDonuts sponsored my Oscar show & gave coffee to my audience. They loved it! (Some are still here dancing.) http://t.co/loJVkSyMfYI see London, I see France, on my backstage camera I see @JustinBieber dance. http://t.co/zWoBowEM79 https://t.co/BuPxIe4ZUpHappy birthday, @Rihanna! Make a wish. http://t.co/QYMRsXKqal.@JustinBieber isn’t afraid of his upcoming roast. Unless they hide Calvin Klein models in the tables to scare him. http://t.co/wmtNAv0smMNoah played "@HeadsUp! Pictures" backstage with his friend, Robby. Get it in the app store! http://t.co/voFjefdmUA https://t.co/sRJrEDEIir
2/20
2015
Yeah I did. RT @justinbieber: I think today was our best hang out yet. @TheEllenShow u got me. Lol http://t.co/9JQRliXVHXHappy #ThrowbackThursday http://t.co/uoJkl3mxm7I sent Noah Ritter to Hawaii so he could have a wonderful vacation, but mostly so he could come here and hula. http://t.co/8C5yPceX9bHappy birthday to the first lady of “Scandal," @BellamyYoung! You might be getting Bellamy older, but you only look Bellamy younger.
2/19
2015
It’s #AshWednesday! It always falls right between two of my favorite holidays, Fat Tuesday and Throwback Thursday..@ActuallyNPH is on my show today and I told him a brilliant joke. I hope he uses it at the Oscars this Sunday. http://t.co/bnEUQpuxj5You bet! o/ \o (that’s us high-fiving) RT @justinbieber: @TheEllenShow again this week? ;) miss me?Time to give something up for Lent! Last yr I was playing hide & go seek with my cousin, & I gave up looking. I hope she’s not still hiding.Happy #YoureWelcomeWednesday http://t.co/9W07bvf7VRIf you missed Macey Hensley on my show, you’re gonna wanna watch this. #YoureWelcomeWednesday http://t.co/FWhnqkNdN8Happy birthday @DrDre! You have it all- an amazing music career, an amazing business, I don't know how you found time to attend med school.
2/18
2015
.@scottkfoley on #RepeatAfterMe tonight!! #ScandalFam #EllenFam
Retweeted by Ellen DeGeneresThat was the first episode of #RepeatAfterMe! I can't wait for you to see what happens next week.I don't know what “Baby Randy" is and I don't want anyone to tell me. #RepeatAfterMeYou know what they say: When life hands you a sweet potato, you're probably on a hidden camera show. #RepeatAfterMeFun fact: When Portia and I got married, I learned Australian. I didn't know a word she was saying before then. #RepeatAfterMeI told them to make @ScottKFoley take his shirt off, but they said it’s “not that kind of show.” #RepeatAfterMe.@ScottKFoley needs to hire this nanny. She's wonderful. #RepeatAfterMeMy apologies to @KerryWashington. And turtles. You both smell wonderful. #RepeatAfterMe
2/17
2015
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